I wanted to share a personal piece I wrote a few months ago while preparing to be where i am today. At this point I’m two weeks beyond the point of no return, working as a freelance designer. I don’t know how this journey will pan out, but as I go along I realize a journey is exactly what it is. It’s an adventure into uncertainty, an element we’ve been taught to fear, but I think it’s what reminds me that I’m alive and I’m an independent free human being with a (self-proclaimed) glorious mind. By the way, if anyone is in need of some visual design work, check out my portfolio site !
Originally written 7/06/2013-
I’m scared. In less than 60 days I’ll be unemployed after spending 10 years which is most of my adult life working for the same company. I can’t lie, I’m paid well, i have a good working environment, i love my coworkers, and I’m good at what I do. I can’t shake the feeling of wanting more though.
Knowing that it’s never going to come from sitting and waiting, biding my time for the next promotion to an equally directionless corporate position. To celebrate my exit into the world of the unknown I’ve made the financially unsound decision of going on a trip with my girlfriend to France for a couple weeks. This also scares the shit out of me. Out of work and blowing a lot of money at once; part of me questions if I’ve lost my mind. The other part of me is exhilarated and feels this is the first decision I’ve made that makes real sense in a long time. I have no idea what my exact next steps are, I have so many ideas which need to be prioritized and strung together into action. I just know it will be different and for now that’s all I need.
When I was younger decisions like this would have never plagued my mind. To be honest my position then and now really hasn’t changed all that much save for the fact that the longer I’ve stayed complacent the more afraid I’ve become of real change. I see the same thing in every other late 20 something I encounter. At some point in time we just become sheep, waiting for someone or something to herd us in the next direction. In this modern western world we’re taught wealth and happiness is material, success can only be determined by your superiors, and deviating from the expected is a fallacy.We default on our greatest asset and opportunity; the freedom of choice. The so called logical steps for someone of my age is to continue working my middle class job, slave myself to a bank via a mortgage, vehicle and other various purchases that I shouldn’t afford but can defer, marry, procreate, and wait out the rest of my youth in exchange for 3-4 weeks of vacation per year and eventual retirement which at this rate I may or may not be able to partake in depending on the state of the world 30 years from now.I don’t know about you, but for me this is hard to swallow, especially when I have choice. The choice to risk everything for something better. The choice to try to make something better, with myself, with my life. I write this to remind myself of the reasons why things need to change for me, but I also write this for anyone going through something similar. It’s okay to be afraid, I’m scared shitless, but have courage. Your life is finally in your hands.